Canned Asparagus?

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a can, I
thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I learned
that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again. IMHO, canned
asparagus is one of the most vile foods available. Color, texture, and
flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local ranch
market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than pencil thin
green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought an obscene 6 pounds
of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most of it either lightly
steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly with olive oil, both with a
spritz of lemon juice here and there.

I was paging through an old Bon Appetit this evening and came across the
following recipe of which I made half for dinner. It was reallyi
delicious!

Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon

2 pounds asparagus stalks, washed and trimmed
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse kosher salt
Coarsely ground black pepper
1 (3 1/2- to 4-ounce) log soft fresh goat cheese, crumbled
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel

Cook bacon in heavy large skillet over medium heat until brown and crisp.
Transfer to paper towels and drain. Crumble bacon; set aside.

Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 500 degrees F. Arrange
asparagus on large rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons olive
oil and turn asparagus to coat well. Sprinkle generously with salt and
pepper. Roast asparagus until crisp-tender when pierced with knife, about 7
minutes.

Remove from heat and arrange asparagus in single layer on platter. Sprinkle
with goat cheese, then bacon. Drizzle with lemon juice and remaining 2
teaspoons oil. Sprinkle grated lemon peel over. (Can be prepared 1 hour
ahead. Cover with plastic wrap. Let stand at room temperature.)

Makes 6 servings.

Ye have not been cursed to be on cruise liner! 🙂

--

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a can, I
thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I learned
that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again. IMHO, canned
asparagus is one of the most vile foods available. Color, texture, and
flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local ranch
market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than pencil thin
green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought an obscene 6 pounds
of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most of it either lightly
steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly with olive oil, both with a
spritz of lemon juice here and there.
Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon
(clipped dandy recipe)

My gal pal used my Foodsaver and processed up 30# of sparrowgrass this spring.
I still got lots of my "rent" in the freezer. Y'all ever had asparagus pickles?
The tarragon, dill, and basil flavors are all good. Oregano is too strong tho.
Edrena

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 09:39:19p, gkm wrote in rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out.
When I learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it
again. IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods available.
Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

Quoted message said:

Ye have not been cursed to be on cruise liner! 🙂

LOL! Thank God!

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

"Wayne Boatwright" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a can,
I
thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I
learned
that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again. IMHO,
canned
asparagus is one of the most vile foods available. Color, texture, and
flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local ranch
market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than pencil thin
green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought an obscene 6
pounds
of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most of it either lightly
steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly with olive oil, both with
a
spritz of lemon juice here and there.

I was paging through an old Bon Appetit this evening and came across the
following recipe of which I made half for dinner. It was reallyi
delicious!

Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon

2 pounds asparagus stalks, washed and trimmed
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse kosher salt
Coarsely ground black pepper
1 (3 1/2- to 4-ounce) log soft fresh goat cheese, crumbled
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel

Cook bacon in heavy large skillet over medium heat until brown and crisp.
Transfer to paper towels and drain. Crumble bacon; set aside.

Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 500 degrees F. Arrange
asparagus on large rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons olive
oil and turn asparagus to coat well. Sprinkle generously with salt and
pepper. Roast asparagus until crisp-tender when pierced with knife, about
7
minutes.

Remove from heat and arrange asparagus in single layer on platter.
Sprinkle
with goat cheese, then bacon. Drizzle with lemon juice and remaining 2
teaspoons oil. Sprinkle grated lemon peel over. (Can be prepared 1 hour
ahead. Cover with plastic wrap. Let stand at room temperature.)

Makes 6 servings.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

I first tasted this awful stuff when I was a youngie...hated it, and didn't
want to taste the fresh stuff for years, because I thought it might be
similar!

Since tasting the fresh stuff, I can't get enough of it! (and lucky you
Wayne for being able to get it so cheaply...here, I've only seen it
available in bunches (about 10 med stalks) for about $2 each, and I've seen
it go up to even $5 in the off season :-(

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 09:55:49p, The Joneses wrote in rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out.
When I learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it
again. IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods available.
Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local
ranch market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than
pencil thin green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought an
obscene 6 pounds of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most of it
either lightly steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly with
olive oil, both with a spritz of lemon juice here and there.
Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon (clipped dandy recipe)

My gal pal used my Foodsaver and processed up 30# of sparrowgrass this
spring. I still got lots of my "rent" in the freezer. Y'all ever had
asparagus pickles? The tarragon, dill, and basil flavors are all good.
Oregano is too strong tho. Edrena

I don't have a Foodsaver, but I have frozen asparagus before and it's next
best to fresh. I just blanch and put in ziploc freezer bags.

I LOVE pickled asparagus, although I've never made it before. I buy a jar
every so often, and usually end up eating the whole jar's worth in 1 or 2
sittings! :-) What I usually find commercially is dill, sometimes with
garlic.

Hey, those pickle wings are neat!

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 10:57:03p, MG wrote in rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

"Wayne Boatwright" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I
thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I
learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again.
IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods available.
Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local
ranch market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than
pencil thin green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought an
obscene 6 pounds of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most of it
either lightly steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly with
olive oil, both with a spritz of lemon juice here and there.

I was paging through an old Bon Appetit this evening and came across
the following recipe of which I made half for dinner. It was reallyi
delicious!

Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon

2 pounds asparagus stalks, washed and trimmed
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse kosher salt
Coarsely ground black pepper
1 (3 1/2- to 4-ounce) log soft fresh goat cheese, crumbled
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel

Cook bacon in heavy large skillet over medium heat until brown and
crisp. Transfer to paper towels and drain. Crumble bacon; set aside.

Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 500 degrees F. Arrange
asparagus on large rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons
olive oil and turn asparagus to coat well. Sprinkle generously with
salt and pepper. Roast asparagus until crisp-tender when pierced with
knife, about 7 minutes.

Remove from heat and arrange asparagus in single layer on platter.
Sprinkle
with goat cheese, then bacon. Drizzle with lemon juice and remaining 2
teaspoons oil. Sprinkle grated lemon peel over. (Can be prepared 1 hour
ahead. Cover with plastic wrap. Let stand at room temperature.)

Makes 6 servings.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless
there are three other people.

I first tasted this awful stuff when I was a youngie...hated it, and
didn't want to taste the fresh stuff for years, because I thought it
might be similar!

Since tasting the fresh stuff, I can't get enough of it! (and lucky you
Wayne for being able to get it so cheaply...here, I've only seen it
available in bunches (about 10 med stalks) for about $2 each, and I've
seen it go up to even $5 in the off season :-(

I was lucky at that price, although the ranch market is always cheaper.
The supermarkets here has them currently priced at $3.99/lb. and sometimes
as high as $4.99/lb. SM sales prices are never below $1.99/lb.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

Wayne Boatwright wrote on 24 Aug 2005 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out.
When I learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought
it again. IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods
available. Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

I absolutely love fresh asparagus, any variety, any size. Our local
ranch market currently has large purple asparagus and smaller than
pencil thin green asparagus, both for 99 cents per pound. I bought
an obscene 6 pounds of it, 3 of each type, and have been eating most
of it either lightly steamed with a bit of butter or grilled quickly
with olive oil, both with a spritz of lemon juice here and there.

I was paging through an old Bon Appetit this evening and came across
the following recipe of which I made half for dinner. It was
reallyi delicious!

Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon

2 pounds asparagus stalks, washed and trimmed
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse kosher salt
Coarsely ground black pepper
1 (3 1/2- to 4-ounce) log soft fresh goat cheese, crumbled
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel

Cook bacon in heavy large skillet over medium heat until brown and
crisp. Transfer to paper towels and drain. Crumble bacon; set aside.

Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 500 degrees F.
Arrange asparagus on large rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with 2
tablespoons olive oil and turn asparagus to coat well. Sprinkle
generously with salt and pepper. Roast asparagus until crisp-tender
when pierced with knife, about 7 minutes.

Remove from heat and arrange asparagus in single layer on platter.
Sprinkle with goat cheese, then bacon. Drizzle with lemon juice and
remaining 2 teaspoons oil. Sprinkle grated lemon peel over. (Can be
prepared 1 hour ahead. Cover with plastic wrap. Let stand at room
temperature.)

Makes 6 servings.

Is it me or does the bacon not appear in the ingredient list, only in
the directions and Name?

--
The eyes are the mirrors....
But the ears...Ah the ears.
The ears keep the hat up.

Wayne Boatwright wrote on 25 Aug 2005 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

I was lucky at that price, although the ranch market is always
cheaper. The supermarkets here has them currently priced at
$3.99/lb. and sometimes as high as $4.99/lb. SM sales prices are
never below $1.99/lb.

Yes it is wonderful...but howmuch bacon?

--
The eyes are the mirrors....
But the ears...Ah the ears.
The ears keep the hat up.

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 11:29:09p, Mr Libido Incognito wrote in rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

Roasted Asparagus with Goat Cheese and Bacon

Oops, sorry! 6 bacon slices

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 11:55:57p, Mr Libido Incognito wrote in rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

Wayne Boatwright wrote on 25 Aug 2005 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

I was lucky at that price, although the ranch market is always
cheaper. The supermarkets here has them currently priced at
$3.99/lb. and sometimes as high as $4.99/lb. SM sales prices are
never below $1.99/lb.

Yes it is wonderful...but howmuch bacon?

Sorry... 6 slices

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

Wayne Boatwright wrote on 25 Aug 2005 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

On Wed 24 Aug 2005 11:55:57p, Mr Libido Incognito wrote in
rec.food.cooking:

Quoted message said:

Wayne Boatwright wrote on 25 Aug 2005 in rec.food.cooking

Quoted message said:

I was lucky at that price, although the ranch market is always
cheaper. The supermarkets here has them currently priced at
$3.99/lb. and sometimes as high as $4.99/lb. SM sales prices are
never below $1.99/lb.

Yes it is wonderful...but howmuch bacon?

Sorry... 6 slices

Thanks (both times)

--
The eyes are the mirrors....
But the ears...Ah the ears.
The ears keep the hat up.

"Wayne Boatwright" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff?

No. The liquid that it is in looks like, smells like (and possibly tastes
like) [censored]. For many years I wouldn't touch asparagus until I tried the
fresh stuff, now I buy it at every opportunity when it is in season.

One of my books says that when cooking asparagus under no circumstances
leave it sitting in the water that it was cooked in - which is exactly what
happens when it is canned. Seems like good advice.

David

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a can, I
thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I learned
that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again. IMHO, canned
asparagus is one of the most vile foods available. Color, texture, and
flavor are all "unnatural".

Asparagus is my favorite veggie. I will even eat it canned. 😉

The only problem I have ever had was a lot which apparently came from
Mexico or something and very definitely had been treated with manure or
human waste as fertilizer - smelled more like human waste to me. It
stunk so badly when I was washing it I had to throw it away.

Other than that, I could eat the stuff every day, every meal. It's one
of my favorite foods.

-L.

-L. said:

Wayne Boatwright said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out.
When I learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought
it again. IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods
available. Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

Asparagus is my favorite veggie. I will even eat it canned. 😉

The only problem I have ever had was a lot which apparently came from
Mexico or something and very definitely had been treated with manure
or human waste as fertilizer - smelled more like human waste to me.
It
stunk so badly when I was washing it I had to throw it away.

Other than that, I could eat the stuff every day, every meal. It's
one
of my favorite foods.

-L.

I'll buy the canned if I get desperate for asparagus (a.k.a., a craving that
just won't quit). When I was at the store last weekend I looked at the
asparagus. $2.99 for a very small bunch of pencil-thin green aparagus
looking like it had seen better days. I passed.

Jill

Wayne wrote about canned asparagus:

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a can,
I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out. When I
learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought it again.
IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods available. Color,
texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

A couple years ago, a friend of mine boasted, "I dare anyone to bring me a
random bag of groceries, I'll whip out something creative in an hour or less
with what is there (with the exception of something that needs long slow
cooking of course). I don't care what is in it, I'll make it work."

My grocery list was:

Canned asparagus
Deli macaroni salad
Cool Whip
Supermarket tomatoes (the hard-but-red-because-of-ethylene kind)
Spam

(What would any of YOU make?)

Bob

Bob said:

Wayne wrote about canned asparagus:

Quoted message said:

Does anyone actually eat this stuff? The first time I ever opened a
can, I thought the contents were already spoiled and threw it out.
When I learned that it was supposed to be that way, I never bought
it again. IMHO, canned asparagus is one of the most vile foods
available. Color, texture, and flavor are all "unnatural".

A couple years ago, a friend of mine boasted, "I dare anyone to bring
me a random bag of groceries, I'll whip out something creative in an
hour or less with what is there (with the exception of something that
needs long slow cooking of course). I don't care what is in it, I'll
make it work."

My grocery list was:

Canned asparagus
Deli macaroni salad
Cool Whip
Supermarket tomatoes (the hard-but-red-because-of-ethylene kind)
Spam

(What would any of YOU make?)

Bob

Dinner reservations!

Jill

"Bob" wrote ...

Quoted message said:

A couple years ago, a friend of mine boasted, "I dare anyone to bring me a
random bag of groceries, I'll whip out something creative in an hour or
less
with what is there (with the exception of something that needs long slow
cooking of course). I don't care what is in it, I'll make it work."

My grocery list was:

Canned asparagus
Deli macaroni salad
Cool Whip
Supermarket tomatoes (the hard-but-red-because-of-ethylene kind)
Spam

(What would any of YOU make?)

Bob

My question is, what s/he make?

Pam

Pam asked:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

My grocery list was:

Canned asparagus
Deli macaroni salad
Cool Whip
Supermarket tomatoes (the hard-but-red-because-of-ethylene kind)
Spam

(What would any of YOU make?)

Bob

My question is, what s/he make?

Pam

Spam-and-asparagus crepes

Tomato-cucumber relish (tomatoes, cucumber, Thai basil, nuoc cham, chiles)
--served with grilled shrimp glazed with cane syrup and chili

[censored] Dijonnaise ([censored] shell, Dijon mustard, sliced tomatoes, and cheese)

The dressing was rinsed off the macaroni salad. Fresh vegetables, olives,
and capers were added, and the resultant salad was dressed with a mixture of
mayonnaise, puréed red bell pepper, some white wine vinegar, a spoonful of
honey and some fresh tarragon. The salad was served in scooped-out tomatoes.

Lemon bars: Graham cracker crust, cream cheese mixed with lemon zest and
sugar, topped with Cool Whip, frozen, and cut into bars

Since I wouldn't throw out a challenge that I wouldn't take myself, I put
together a menu, though I never had an opportunity to actually make it.
Here's what I came up with:

I'd proceed differently with the spam and asparagus: Since the asparagus is
unavoidably mushy anyway, I'd go ahead and purée it, mix it with eggs,
melted butter, and milk, and make asparagus-and-Spam chawanmushi. (A
chawanmushi is the Japanese version of a quiche. An egg mixture is put into
a bowl along with other flavoring ingredients and the bowl is steamed.)
Normally, chawanmushi is made with dashi (miso stock), but in this case I'm
going to be putting cubes of Spam into the bowl to flavor it; dashi would
make the dish too salty so milk is used instead. I'd flavor the
egg-asparagus mixture with a bit of lemon juice, lemon zest, and white
pepper (thus mirroring the flavors of asparagus with hollandaise sauce).
The Spam would be cut into cubes about an inch-and-a-half tall, and a cube
would be placed into the bottom of each small bowl. The egg mixture would
be poured over the Spam and a few ringlets of chopped scallion would be
floated on top. Then the bowls would be steamed until the mixture is just
firm.

The tomatoes' flavor is going to be extremely muted because of their
going-to-market treatment. That's why I consider it essential to cook them,
it helps to concentrate what flavor they have. To that end, I'd make
something called "chalsa," which is a relish falling somewhere in between a
salsa and a tomato chutney: Onions are sliced, then some of the sliced
onions are chopped and set aside. The sliced onions are sautéed with
mustard seeds until the seeds begin to pop. The tomatoes are peeled
(dropping them into boiling water for a few seconds makes the skins slip
right off) and coarsely chopped. The tomatoes are added to the onions along
with a minced jalapeño, sugar, and salt. This mixture is cooked for a few
minutes, then removed from the heat and put into a bowl. Lime juice,
chopped cilantro, and the reserved chopped onion are added.

The macaroni salad presents me with the greatest challenge; it is both
undesirably bland and heavy. So rather than trying to keep it as a pasta
salad, I'd make Chicken Divan with it. Broccoli is blanched and chopped,
then tossed with the macaroni salad. A chicken breast or two (depending on
how much macaroni salad there is) is chopped. quickly sautéed, and added to
the macaroni-broccoli mixture. Chicken stock, white wine, lemon juice,
shredded Gruyere cheese, and a pinch of nutmeg are added (note that I did
*not* rinse off the mayonnaise like my friend did; it serves as an essential
binder in this dish). The mixture is put into a baking dish, sprinkled with
more shredded cheese, and baked until the cheese melts and the casserole is
heated through.

The Cool Whip would be used to make a Strawberry Margarita Pie. A pie shell
is made from pretzels, similarly to the way a graham cracker crust gets
made. The filling is a mixture of Cool Whip, lime juice, puréed
strawberries, sliced strawberries, and Gran Marnier.

Bob

Bob said:

Pam asked:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

My grocery list was:

Canned asparagus
Deli macaroni salad
Cool Whip
Supermarket tomatoes (the hard-but-red-because-of-ethylene kind)
Spam

(What would any of YOU make?)

Bob

My question is, what s/he make?

Pam

Spam-and-asparagus crepes

Tomato-cucumber relish (tomatoes, cucumber, Thai basil, nuoc cham,
chiles) --served with grilled shrimp glazed with cane syrup and chili

[censored] Dijonnaise ([censored] shell, Dijon mustard, sliced tomatoes, and
cheese)

The dressing was rinsed off the macaroni salad. Fresh vegetables,
olives, and capers were added, and the resultant salad was dressed
with a mixture of mayonnaise, puréed red bell pepper, some white
wine vinegar, a spoonful of honey and some fresh tarragon. The salad
was served in scooped-out tomatoes.

Lemon bars: Graham cracker crust, cream cheese mixed with lemon zest
and sugar, topped with Cool Whip, frozen, and cut into bars

Since I wouldn't throw out a challenge that I wouldn't take myself, I
put together a menu, though I never had an opportunity to actually
make it. Here's what I came up with:

I'd proceed differently with the spam and asparagus: Since the
asparagus is unavoidably mushy anyway, I'd go ahead and purée it, mix
it with eggs, melted butter, and milk, and make asparagus-and-Spam
chawanmushi. (A chawanmushi is the Japanese version of a quiche. An
egg mixture is put into a bowl along with other flavoring ingredients
and the bowl is steamed.) Normally, chawanmushi is made with dashi
(miso stock), but in this case I'm going to be putting cubes of Spam
into the bowl to flavor it; dashi would make the dish too salty so
milk is used instead. I'd flavor the egg-asparagus mixture with a
bit of lemon juice, lemon zest, and white pepper (thus mirroring the
flavors of asparagus with hollandaise sauce). The Spam would be cut
into cubes about an inch-and-a-half tall, and a cube would be placed
into the bottom of each small bowl. The egg mixture would be poured
over the Spam and a few ringlets of chopped scallion would be floated
on top. Then the bowls would be steamed until the mixture is just
firm.

The tomatoes' flavor is going to be extremely muted because of their
going-to-market treatment. That's why I consider it essential to
cook them, it helps to concentrate what flavor they have. To that
end, I'd make something called "chalsa," which is a relish falling
somewhere in between a salsa and a tomato chutney: Onions are
sliced, then some of the sliced onions are chopped and set aside.
The sliced onions are sautéed with mustard seeds until the seeds
begin to pop. The tomatoes are peeled (dropping them into boiling
water for a few seconds makes the skins slip right off) and coarsely
chopped. The tomatoes are added to the onions along with a minced
jalapeño, sugar, and salt. This mixture is cooked for a few minutes,
then removed from the heat and put into a bowl. Lime juice, chopped
cilantro, and the reserved chopped onion are added.

The macaroni salad presents me with the greatest challenge; it is both
undesirably bland and heavy. So rather than trying to keep it as a
pasta salad, I'd make Chicken Divan with it. Broccoli is blanched
and chopped, then tossed with the macaroni salad. A chicken breast
or two (depending on how much macaroni salad there is) is chopped.
quickly sautéed, and added to the macaroni-broccoli mixture. Chicken
stock, white wine, lemon juice, shredded Gruyere cheese, and a pinch
of nutmeg are added (note that I did *not* rinse off the mayonnaise
like my friend did; it serves as an essential binder in this dish).
The mixture is put into a baking dish, sprinkled with more shredded
cheese, and baked until the cheese melts and the casserole is heated
through.

The Cool Whip would be used to make a Strawberry Margarita Pie. A
pie shell is made from pretzels, similarly to the way a graham
cracker crust gets made. The filling is a mixture of Cool Whip, lime
juice, puréed strawberries, sliced strawberries, and Gran Marnier.

Bob

Uh.... but Bob, you didn't have even half those ingredients in your grocery
bags. You must be counting things your friend already had on hand, such as
ingredients to prepare crepes, cucumbers, [censored] shells, Dijon mustard, lemons
for zesting... you're cheating! 😉

Jill