I got this from a friend of mine and thought it was pretty funny...and true! cyclingforums.combiggrin.gifOpen ↗
If you've seen it already, have another good laugh. If not, prepare for a good laugh!
[font=Times New Roman]Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
[font=Times New Roman]"I'm out of shape"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
[font=Times New Roman]"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
[font=Times New Roman]"I'm on my beater bike"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
[font=Times New Roman]"It's not that hilly"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
[font=Times New Roman]"You're doing great, honey"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
[font=Times New Roman]"This is a no-drop ride"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
[font=Times New Roman]"It's not that far"[/font][font=Times New Roman]Translation[/font]: Bring your passport. [/font]