rec.sport.unicycling · Public discussion

How NOT to unicycle : A Helpful Guide

unicyclistjoe · 2005-04-18T11:46:19+00:00

I, UnicyclistJoe, thought I might enlighten the masses with a handy piece on how unicycling should -not- be executed. Feel free to follow along with my step-by-step instructions. 1. Select a likely looking log on the waterfront. 2. Survey the log, checking for bumps and dips that could potentially throw you off. 3. Climb onto one end of log, put unicycle underneath you and proceed to focus mentally. 4. Once focused mentally, mount your trusty unicycle. 5. Ride forwards slowly, keeping your balance and using your arms to control side to side leaning. 6. Halfway along, start to swerve slightly from side to side. 7. Get to the stage where you don't like what's going on, so you decide to dismount. 8. Dismount, and try to grab your unicycle. 9. Miss your unicycle, then turn around to watch it tumble in slow motion over the 3M drop into the harbour (next to your carefully selected log). 10. -Panic- and then breathe a sigh of relief as it floats. 11. Start removing clothes and shoes and protective gear. 12. Remember that you have a paralysing fear about jumping into water from above a few metres. Pull the fingers at the people hassling you. 13. Climb onto a nearby barge, and leap into water. On impact, realise how -damned- cold it is. Gasp a few times. 14. Swim & retrieve unicycle. 15. Clamber up side of barge, dripping and freezing. Be sure to parade around in the sun in your wet undergarments. 16. Put clothes back on, and ride home dripping. Smile when people stare at the wet patch on your ass and crotch areas. Hey presto...how not to unicycle.... [image: http://joe.urbandarling.com/collage.jpg] -- unicyclistjoe - Wellington's Best Trials Unicyclist I am very clever and handsome ------------------------------------------------------------------------ unicyclistjoe's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/6856 View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Started by unicyclistjoe · 18 April 2005 · Last activity 19 April 2005 · 11 posts · 256 views

← Back to rec.sport.unicycling

This thread is locked and is currently read-only.

Thread navigation

Jump through the discussion

Go to the original post, the replies on this page, or the latest preserved contribution.

01 / Original postHow NOT to unicycle : A Helpful Guideunicyclistjoe · 18 Apr 2005 02 / This pagePosts 1–11Page 1 of 1 · chronological order 03 / Latest replyPost #11tuck · 19 Apr 2005

Thread details

What we know about this thread

Original section: rec.sport.unicycling
Published: 18 April 2005
Last activity: 19 April 2005
Original author: unicyclistjoe
Posts: 11
Discussion status: Public discussion
Total views: 256
Views / 30 days: 0

The navigation and discussion metadata provide context. Posts remain in their original chronological order.

Original post
unicyclistjoe
Archived post

18 April 2005, 11:46 UTC #1

I, UnicyclistJoe, thought I might enlighten the masses with a handy
piece on how unicycling should -not- be executed. Feel free to follow
along with my step-by-step instructions.
1. Select a likely looking log on the waterfront.
2. Survey the log, checking for bumps and dips that could potentially
throw you off.
3. Climb onto one end of log, put unicycle underneath you and proceed to
focus mentally.
4. Once focused mentally, mount your trusty unicycle.
5. Ride forwards slowly, keeping your balance and using your arms to
control side to side leaning.
6. Halfway along, start to swerve slightly from side to side.
7. Get to the stage where you don't like what's going on, so you decide
to dismount.
8. Dismount, and try to grab your unicycle.
9. Miss your unicycle, then turn around to watch it tumble in slow
motion over the 3M drop into the harbour (next to your carefully
selected log).
10. -Panic- and then breathe a sigh of relief as it floats.
11. Start removing clothes and shoes and protective gear.
12. Remember that you have a paralysing fear about jumping into water
from above a few metres. Pull the fingers at the people hassling you.
13. Climb onto a nearby barge, and leap into water. On impact, realise
how -damned- cold it is. Gasp a few times.
14. Swim & retrieve unicycle.
15. Clamber up side of barge, dripping and freezing. Be sure to parade
around in the sun in your wet undergarments.
16. Put clothes back on, and ride home dripping. Smile when people stare
at the wet patch on your ass and crotch areas.
Hey presto...how not to unicycle....
[image: http://joe.urbandarling.com/collage.jpg]
--
unicyclistjoe - Wellington's Best Trials Unicyclist
I am very clever and handsome
------------------------------------------------------------------------
unicyclistjoe's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/6856
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
Chrashing
Archived post

18 April 2005, 12:01 UTC #2

priceless 😉
--
Chrashing - Just Lucky
Regards,
Ken
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chrashing's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/7501
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
UniBrier
Archived post

18 April 2005, 14:33 UTC #3

I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends up
in in the water:
"Darn, I just pulled a Joe."😎
--
UniBrier - Its Time to Ride
Steve DeKoekkoek
Hop Drop & Roll
------------------------------------------------------------------------
UniBrier's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/1404
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
harper
Archived post

18 April 2005, 15:09 UTC #4

What a beautifully written account. Our awkward failures are the ones we
would sometimes most like to see on video. We only get to describe them
in words. Thanks.
--
harper - TANKED at GASWORKS
-Greg Harper
B L U E S H I F T
"My world view has come crashing down like a drunk clown on a giraffe,
riding through a cactus patch..." -evil-nick on "Entry of the
Gladiators"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
harper's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/426
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
GILD
Archived post

18 April 2005, 16:01 UTC #5

u, sir, are truly the Mikefule of falling off a log
thanx for sharing
--
GILD - Waffle-[censored] and Time-bider
if you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.--
'alice' (http://tinyurl.com/dt7ye) 'roosevelt'
(http://tinyurl.com/5ngze) longworth
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.-- William H.
Mauldin
...using nietzsche's metaphysics to escape from
christianity...-'metro_tramp on the value of metaphysics'
(http://tinyurl.com/4sjw6)-
it's hard to be sure, and good to be paranoid...john childs on life on
the internet
'NAMASTE!' (http://tinyurl.com/4qcxw)
'Dave' (http://tinyurl.com/ywxgb)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
GILD's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/657
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
mucRider
Archived post

18 April 2005, 16:24 UTC #6

UniBrier said:
*I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends
up in in the water:
"Darn, I just pulled a Joe."😎 *
Instead of UPD we could call it UPS for UnPlanned Splash.
I am impressed with how well a unicycle floats.
Certainly a funny experience.
--
mucRider - From the Over 50 Group
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary
and those who don't.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
mucRider's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/6119
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
s7ev0
Archived post

18 April 2005, 18:41 UTC #7

A superb account from the poster with the sig:
"I am very clever and handsome"🙄
Thanks, Joe!
--
s7ev0 - ************
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there
were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was
to blame but us. Remember accidents? ~ GILD
------------------------------------------------------------------------
s7ev0's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/7310
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
Bob22b
Archived post

18 April 2005, 19:25 UTC #8

That high volume tire looks like it does float well!
I bet that surly tire on a large marge rim could ride on top of the
water. 😄
Nice story, pics are good.
--
Bob22b - MCL Tearer :d
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob22b's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/8153
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
weeble
Archived post

19 April 2005, 01:47 UTC #9

UniBrier said:
*I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends
up in in the water:
"Darn, I just pulled a Joe."😎 *
Umm...
--
weeble - There can be only one... wheel
==============
Another Joe in MN
Level 2 and holding
==============
------------------------------------------------------------------------
weeble's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/1625
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
Denali
Archived post

19 April 2005, 02:53 UTC #10

Hey, I PJ-ed(Pulled a Joe) once...But this one is hilarious
--
Denali - Heil Denali
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Denali's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/9085
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report
tuck
Archived post

19 April 2005, 23:58 UTC #11

excellent!!
--
tuck
------------------------------------------------------------------------
tuck's Profile: http://www.unicyclist.com/profile/9604
View this thread: http://www.unicyclist.com/thread/39704

Report

Active in the last 60 minutes

Active in this thread

0 users · 0 guests ·0 bots ·0 total

No signed-in users are active right now.

No known search crawlers active right now.

Jump through the discussion

What we know about this thread

Continue through CyclingForums

Active in this thread