I have been away from my computer.
I must thank everyone for thinking about me, and posting replies to my posts. It has been awhile,
and to tell you the truth I have not looked back.
I think my last post was made in a drug-induced state of post-surgery. People who have surgery
should not be posting to alt.mountain-bike 6 hours after surgery. In alt.tasteless-dumbass, this
might be appropriate.......
After my last surgery, I drove home from Grand Junction to Aspen (2.5 hours). I am certain I barely
made the drive. I can barely remember the night. I had surgery, had my ride pick me up, then
immediately got in my car.
"I am OK. Hell yea I am going to get home. Thanks for being here to pick me up. Ohhh, no problem. I
am good to go."
I made it home, but it was about the most irresponsible decision I have ever made in my life.
After that, I think I immediately sat in this chair and posted. This was probably another bad
decision. Shortly after that sitting, the sittings were not really viable.
Either way.... I am still alive. I have spent some time in the remote hills of Redstone, Co. The
hills are tight and the light is short. I have concentrated on being slow and mellow. The tight
valley is theraputic. I have read a lot, and studied a lot. I have grown fat in my eyes, and
followed the life of the sloth... understanding my plight.
I have consulted many doctors. There is not one doctor that tells me riding is even remotely close
to a good idea. I use riding as my last question. I understand more everyday about my problem.
I have a deep fistula:
"A PERMANANT abnormal opening into soft parts with a consistant discharge; a deep, narrow, chronic
abscess; an abnormal opening between an internal cavity and another cavity or the surface; as, a
salvitory fistula; an anal fistula; a recto-vaginal fistula." (permanant is the key word)
Yep, that is what I have. It could be peri-rectal, it could be perianeal. Mine is of the anterior
type....the spot where you sit on a bike seat. The anterior type is very hard to treat and heal.
The problem that faces me is that it is non-connective. The last doctor cut me pretty hard. He went
very deep. He pushed hydrogen peroxide through the fistula expecting to see a connection with my
rectum. He expected to see bubbles.
He did not. He said he tried over and over again to find a connection, and in the end... he could
not. He layed as much of the fistula open as he could.
______________
I woke up after surgery in my own house. I knew I had driven home, but I really did not remember
much... except trying to stay awake.
I had a deep internal pain. I could control my bowels, but I was not sure what would happen when I
actually had to do the number 2 duty. I thought I would encounter a lot of pain.
It was morning. I was alone. I got a phone call from a close friend (Randy). I told him that I must
hang up and call the doctor. Afterall, it was close to being 9AM. The office opened at 9AM. I needed
to get an idea of what was going on and what we did.
I hung up the phone with Randy at 8:50AM. There was nothing stopping my feeling. I put the phone
down. I began looking for recent, and trite reading material. Nope. I needed to get there....
I was worried as I ran to the toilet. The pain was going to be unbearable. I wondered if I should
have the phone near me, to call 911. I figured it would be bad. I wondered if the doctor would do
this to me, without telling me I would have a huge pain issue....
I was relieved for the standard reasons before I really settled in. I had no external pain. That was
the pain I was worried about. I had mild internal pain considering, but I had that same pain since
the surgery the night before. I can't really explain the pain. It was not really pain, as much as it
was a horrible pain inside... a feeling of pain without real pain, but certain pain.
Needless to say, I was relieved. I had not even purchased the Milk of Magnesia. It was supposed to
entice my bowel from pain-med induced constipation. I was not eating the pills, so I needed nothing
to entice I guessed. I could not believe my willingness to a number 2 so soon after surgery.
Well, after that huge relief, I called the doctor. My surgery was late, and my recovery was later.
The doc had no real reason to stick around the hopital to talk to a patient that would not remember
a thing anyway.
The doctor was not very happy. Nothing went the way he wanted it to. He was not happy with anything
for that matter. He was obviously frustrated at not getting to the solution, but he said it really
meant nothing. He was pretty happy I had no external pain after my first bowel movement.
He said that he had done all that was possible. There was no way to the end. We would have to wait
and see. He said he did a lot of work on the existing free area. He took out a huge amount of
tissue, and he opened up a lot of tissue.
He had to cut, at least partially, the ring of muscle that controls the rectum. It was needed
to follow the fistula tract; to get it opened up. This is what accounts for the pain I have
to this day.
So that is what I am healing from to this day. Two things actually: 1) The cutting of the circle of
muscle, and 2) The substantial external opening that is a real pain... blah.. in the ass. (BAH! shut
up, it is not on my [censored]... but damn close, and closer every surgery!)
I have been told I could ride again after 6 months. This is of course if I am willing a
re-occurance. A re-occurance is treatable, and really no worse than what I have had. In fact, it
would probably be identical to what I have had, but treatable in one, and maybe two surgeries....
but it could be 5 or 10 or 20.. the same situation I am dealing with now. I am constantly being
reminded that this is a permanant situation, and it needs to be cared for as such.
So!!!
All is good. This Summer I don't need to ride. I am going to concentrate on golf as a worst case,
and climbing as a first case. I already have about 6 14ers under my belt, so I think I am going to
try to pick up a bunch more. I already have the gear for winter climbing, so I might as well attempt
to get in all the 14ers I can this year.
If the doctor gives me the go on Monday the 12th, I will have my first 14er planned by work morning
Wednesday the 14th. I am thinking Crestone Peak for the 24-25th. (This is a darsh pipedream date, an
irrational pipedream date)
So all is well. I have been caught up in my illness as I should have been, responsibly, and now I am
ready to move on. It feels pretty good. Even though I have treated this right, I still have felt a
bit guilty about being sedate, but this being the third surgery, I have a new feeling about what it
means to "let it heal".
I know it is not my fault, and I know I have done the right thing by being a big, fat nothing, but
it is sure good (or will be after Monday) to be able to move again with an open mind. I can't wait.
I feel like protesting... like quitting my job and carrying a sign to free myself. It is the feeling
of freedom really. It is like I could run into the redwood forests of California and just
dissappear. (another pipedream)
I can only cross my fingers. It has only been 5 months of surgery/recovery now. If this could be put
down without ever having to deal with 6 months, I would be very happy. Then I can start my 6 months
of "secondary" healing.
I think I am over this part. I think the specialist took it over. I think I can power it away...
power it off of me... power it better. Pray it better in some way. I think I can make it better, and
I will... even if it gets 10X worse.
I am fortunate. I am more fortunate than anyone will ever know until the day I die... and even then,
my fortune will never be known.
I know I am getting better. I just sneezed. I almost enjoyed the feeling of the sneeze as much as I
hated the pain involved in the contraction. WOOHOO!
Thanks everyone,
darsh
Today