I think should have been posted here!! Ba.
NPollotta said:GIANT CALAMARI (squid) RECIPES
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Step One: First, if possible, kill the colossal,
rampaging, squid. (For details read the Fantasy/Humour
novel, "That Darn Squid God!" by Nick Pollotta and
James Clay.)
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Step Two: Next, make sure the damned thing is truly
dead, and not faking. Then check it again. Okay, three
times, just to be sure.=20 (NATO is good for this, and
so are nukes.)
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Step Three: Now use firehoses to wash the squid
thoroughly, and then use chainsaws to cut the body into
convenient 100 lbs. slices (roughly the size of a
Doberman)
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Step Four: Mix three tons of corn meal, one ton of flour,
100lbs. of salt, pepper and garlic powder into a cement
mixer truck. (or other suitable mechanized tumbler)
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Step Five: Using a forklift, add the giant squid rings and
mix until well coated, then place aside on a smooth, dry,
bed of clean concrete.
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Step Six: Fill a swimming pool with 14,000 gallons of
olive oil (or vegetable oil, if you prefer) , then use
military flamethrowers to heat the oil until a loaf of
bread floats, but does not dissolve. (if the ceramic pool
tiles start to melt, the oil is too hot!)
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Step Seven: Using an industrial crane, hoist the coated
slices of squid god, and dip them into the sizzling oil
for 45 seconds, or until golden brown.=20
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Step Eight: Place the fried squid onto one-redwood picnic
table apiece, and dry off using a couple of wet-n-dry shop
vacuums.
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Step Nine: Garnish with an entire crop of arugula, and
serve in wading pools along with a couple of dozen
supersoakers filled with fresh lemon juice. Serves: 6,000
people. 8,000 with a garden salad.
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GIANT SQUID TARTAR Make sure it's dead (see above). Use
dynamite to remove the tentacles, and throw away the head.
(although the eyes do make a lovely, if slightly smelly,
summer home) Now, use chainsaws to cut the tentacles into
convenient cubes (about the size of a bowling ball), then
feed the cubes into a bank of woodchippers (be sure to
wear safety goggles as this part will be very messy,
indeed). Using bulldozers, shove the mountain of minced
squid into a fleet of cement mixer trucks, then add 4 tons
of finely-chopped onions, two tons of chopped black
olives, 1,000 liters of extra-virgin olive oil, and one
shelled pistachio nut. Mix well, then use steam shovels to
serve of a single sour-dough cracker the size of a soccer
field. Serves: the entire nation of France.
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