Some Holiday!
I took Monday (Patriot's Day) off from work.
I was going to play tennis with a friend
of mine that afternoon in Hopedale, MA.
I had never been there before, and as usual,
I was late, and had a blister on my foot.
I didn't think that would be a problem,
because how big is a tennis court?
So I was dressed in my tennis shorts and
tee shirt, and was wearing my bedroom
slippers cause I thought I would stop
on the way for some blister salve,
then put on my sneakers when I got there.
I stopped in some small town at the junction
of Rt-85, and Rt-135, to find a drugstore.
It was pretty crowded for a small town, and
I had to park some blocks from the main drag,
and asked directions to the local CVS store.
Anyway, just as I was trying to cross the main
street, I heard gunshots, and thought, Oh! oh!,
must be a bank robbery.
But just then, when I looked down the street,
I saw a bunch of black guys in their underwear
running right toward me followed by a lot of
white guys yelling and screaming. Holy Mackerel,
I thought, It's a jail break, or a lynching.
I tried to get out of the way, but a crowd had
gathered on the sidewalk, and they kept pushing
me back onto the street, yelling "Run! Run!",
and pointing the way out of town.
Boy, they sure were unfriendly folks.
I'll never go back there to shop again!
But those black guys were getting closer,
and I had to get away from them,
so I took off as fast as I could.
Wow! It ain't easy running in your bedroom slippers,
and after a while, my blister really began to hurt,
but I wasn't gonna let them black guys catch me,
or that screaming mob, neither, if I could help it.
I tried to turn off onto side streets a couple of
times, but the road was lined with people and
these wooden barricades, and every time I got
near the side of the road, people would throw
water at me or push me back. The only safe place
was right on the center-line of the road.
After what seemed like about twenty miles of pure
agony, my slippers were just about worn through,
and there was this really long hill.
The hill was so long, and so steep,
and so hard to run up, that it was, well,
it was just Heartbreaking.
After that hill, I was soooooo tired,
I was like ready to drop. You know,
I'm not as young as I used to be.
And sitting at a desk all these years,
I'm not in very good shape, what with the arthritis,
and that hip replacement I had a few years ago.
But every time I looked over my shoulder,
and saw those guys in their underwear
chasing me, I got scared, and ran even faster.
After I got to the top of that awful hill,
I could see some tall buildings,
and it looked like we were coming into the city.
I saw some cops on motorcycles,
and thought I could get some help,
but when I tried to catch up to them,
they just pulled ahead of me so I could never
talk to them. Boy, that was frustrating.
Finally, I saw a really tall building up ahead,
with a Ronzoni Pasta truck parked near it.
But some guys had set up a road block to catch
the escapees. It sure took them long enough.
And none too soon, cause this black guy was right
behind me. And boy, was he black!
I never saw a guy with skin that dark before.
It's like he could of come from Ethiopia, or Kenya,
he was so dark! Naaaaah! That's preposterous!
This is Boston! He's probably from Roxbury,
escaped from Walpole or someplace.
Else why would everyone be chasing him?
Anyway, I ducked under this cloth thing these
guys were using to block the road.
It had something like "Majong 2000" written on
it but I couldn't see it none too good because
of all of the sweat that had got into my eyes.
Some hecklers there called me a "Rosie Ruiz",
whatever that was, but at least they didn't
try to stop me. The black guy wasn't so lucky,
he ripped the cloth thing which slowed him down
enough for some guys to jump him and roll him up
in some kind of silvery prison blanket.
He'll be back in the can none too soon for me.
I kept going for another block, until the crowd
thinned, and I was able to slip into a side street,
stop, and catch my breath. Boy, was I pooped!
What a day!
I must have been chased at least twenty five miles.
I was still trembling from what would have
happened if those guys had caught me.
My slippers were gone, my socks are all worn through.
My blister had burst, and my feet were all cut up.
And my friend must be really [censored] at me for
having left her waiting at the tennis court
without even giving her a call.
So now I've got to jog all the way back to that
damn town to find my car, and then find a phone
to apologize to my tennis partner for ruining her day.
Just getting back took another four hours, what
with all those people telling me I'm going the
wrong way, and dodging all those wheelchairs.
I was Hopping mad when I got there and found
that my car had been towed by the local cops,
and I had to ransom it out.
Well, I'm home now. And you can bet that it will
be a long time before I try to play tennis again.
I guess I just don't have the energy for it,
like I used to when I was younger.
Time for a nap, bye for now.
Granny
Glossary: For those not familiar with the Boston Marathon!
Junction of RT-85, and Rt-135, Location of Hopkington, MA:
Starting Place of the Boston Marathon.
Hopedale, MA: Town next door to Hopkington.
Heartbreaking: Famous "Heartbreak Hill", very steep and long.
"really tall building": Prudential Center = Finish line.
Ronzoni Pasta truck: For Carbo-loading of runners.
Ethiopia/Kenya: Previous marathon winners came from Africa.
Roxbury: Section of Boston occupied by many blacks.
Walpole: Maximum security State prison at Walpole, MA.
"Majong 2000": Myopic view of "Marathon 2000" finish banner.
"Rosie Ruiz": Notorious race cheater, took car part way.
"back in the can": back in jail.
"chased at least twenty five miles": Marathon is 26 miles.
"Hopping mad": about Hopkington Cops snatching my car.
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