Re: The Atheist

I'll probably hate myself for doing this but

http://www.infidelguy.com/flashtoons/elisha_the_crule_v2a.html

On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 17:50:54 -0700, "Frank ess" <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

Dr. Andrew B. Chung said:

Don Kirkman said:

It seems to me I heard somewhere that Christian Person wrote in
article <[email hidden]>:

> The Atheist

> An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. What majestic trees!
> What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

> As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
> bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge
> towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over
> his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked
> over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer He tripped and
> fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the
> bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and
> raising
> his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out:
> "Oh my God!..."

> Time stopped.
> The bear froze.
> The forest was silent.

> As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:

> "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
> exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect
> me
> to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a
> believer?"

> The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be
> hypocritical
> of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but
> perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

> "Very well," said the voice.

> The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the
> bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his
> head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive
> from thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen."

The Unauthorized Version

In the beginning was the song, and behold it had both music and
lyrics, and it was somewhat raunchy, and it was in the year nineteen
ought four, and the song was named "The Preacher and the Bear," and
it was spread
upon piano rolls and often pressed upon records by cantor Arthur
Collins and thus sent throughout the land, and every chorus ended
with the
refrain "Oh, Lawd, if you can't help me, for goodness sakes don'tcha
help that Bear!" and it was good.
http://wiscasset.net/artcraft/rolls5.htm

[Collins recorded "The Preacher and the Bear" soon after it was
published in 1904. Normally credited to Joe Arzonia, the song was
actually written by George Fairman (1881-1962) of Front Royal,
Virginia. In 1955 Fairman wrote to Jim Walsh that in 1902 or 1903,
shortly after
he composed it, he sold for $250 all rights to the song to Arzonia .
. .

In the fortieth decade of the nineteenth century did Phil Harris,
troubadour and leader of troubadours and bandsmen, sanitize the
lyrics a jot and a tittle and send forth the song on simple flat
discs of wax
which whirled mightily and sent the sound to the waiting people, and
the song did take the land by storm, and the people rejoiced and
Preacher Harris did join the song to his hymn to the promised land,
"That's What
I Like About the South," and thus did he prosper, and it was good.

[Somewhat cleaned up from the original 1904 version, with chords for
pickin' and singin']
[Begin]
[THE PREACHER AND THE BEAR
As recorded by Phil Harris
Writer: Arzonia (Joe Arizona)

[Bb] Now a preacher went out walkin'
Was [Eb] on one Sunday [Bb] morn'
It was against his religion
But he [C] took his gun a-[F] long
He [Bb] shot himself some mighty fine quail
And [Eb] one little "measly" [Bb] hare
But [Eb] on his way [Bb] returnin' home
He met a [F] great big grizzly [Bb] bear;

NARRATION: (In [Bb])
Well, the bear got down in the middle of the road
On all fours like a great big toad
And looked that preacher right square in the eye
And the preacher looked at him and said: "Bye-bye."
Started down the road and took out to run
The bear right after that preacher did come
Run and they run for about a mile
Then they both sat down and rested awhile
The preacher got up - started again
The bear he started out with more vim
They ran and they ran til he spotted a tree
Said: "Up on the limb is the place for me."
The bear got close - made a grab for him
Preacher leaps up and he made the limb
Pulled himself up and turns about
Cast his eyes to the skies and [F] he did [Bb] shout;

Refrain:
"[Bb] Oh, Lawd, you delivered [Eb] Daniel from the lion's [Bb] den
Also delivered Jonah from the [C] belly of the whale and [F] then
The [Bb] Hebrew children from the fiery furnace
So the [Eb] good book do [Bb] declare
Yes! [Eb] Lord, if you can't [Bb] help me,
For goodness [F] sake don't help that [Bb] bear."

NARRATION:
Just about then the limb let go
And the preacher came tumblin' down
Reached in his pocket, pulled his razor out
Just before he hit the ground
He hit the ground with an awful bang
It was a terrible sight
The preacher and the bear, with a razor in his hair
Just a-cuttin' left and right
Well, they rolled around on the ground
The preacher was up and then he was down
The bear let out an awful moan
It looked like the preacher was holdin' his own
"Lord, if I get out of here alive
That Good Book I will abide
I'll never sin on Sabbath day
And Sunday come, I'll pray and pray."
To the heavens, he did glance
Said; "Lord, just gimme one more chance."
Then his suspenders gave away
And he knocked that bear ten feet away
Then the preacher got up and made a bound
To the tree where he'd be safe and sound
Pulled himself up and turned about
Cast his eyes to the skies and he did shout:

Repeat Refrain:
Note. http://www.bmi.com lists many authors for other versions.
[End]
http://www.cowboylyrics.com/tabs/misc/the-preacher-and-the-bear-3282.html

But prophets and judges who knew not the song nor Preacher Harris
fell upon the lyrics and they discerned that some of the words were
of religious flavor, and so they did greatly sanitize the already
sanitized lyrics, and lo! they did transform it into a parable for
the spreading
of their special knowledge of God's way with preachers and bears,
and it was not so good as the original versions had been, for they
laughed not with God for the goodness of his world and for his
giving to his special people the wisdom and humor he meant them to
have. But God laughed, and it was good.

Thanks for sharing :-)

Quoted message said:

Don
[email hidden]

You remain in my prayers, dear Don whom I love, in Christ's holy name.

May you accept Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, someday, so
that you too will escape satan's rule and torment of your soul after
you die.

Please do consider the following before it is too late:

http://makeashorterlink.com/?I22222129

Servant to the humblest person in the universe,

Andrew

shhh