Noun gender assignment

From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns and readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reason. <br /><br />The best submissions: <br /><br />ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. <br /><br />SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. <br /><br />KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. <br /><br />SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. <br /><br />COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. <br /><br />TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated. <br /><br />HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part. <br /><br />SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. <br /><br />WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on. <br /><br />SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. <br /><br />HOURGLASS - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom. <br /><br />HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. <br /><br />REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. <br /><br /> ;D ;D :o