I've been subscribed to uk.tosspot for a week or more (the P**l Sm*th "vulnerable" thread and some
subsidiary [censored]) and while I wait for the threads to die their natural death buried under the
traditional hundred tonnes of taurean faeces I've been experiencing the "joys" of the cager
mindset again.
Which set me thinking: there seem to be a few products available for cars which could usefully be
extended to the cycling world. They m,ight even make cycling so safe that we would no longer need to
keep exclusively to the pavements, save for the occasional carriageway excursion to blow a red light
of course.
And here we are: the first of the cager safety products to be made available to cyclists. Order
forms to follow :-)
<http://www.chapmancentral.com/Web/public.nsf/Documents/CageGlass>
*Now available to cyclists: the secret products which have been making our roads safer for years!*
Thanks to the resurgence in cycling caused by London congestion charges a number of products
previously available only to car drivers can now be economically marketed to cyclists. Be the first
on u.r.c to benefit from these fantastic safety products! Become a Safe Rider without modifying your
behaviour!
CageGlass™
==========
Previously available only in car windscreens, Polkington® CageGlass™ has long been a road safety
secret. Available now for the first time in cycling goggles, CageGlass™ allows cyclists to share
these fantastic benefits previously available only to motorists:
- see round corners, avoiding unnecessary braking
- see clearly in fog, rain and snow allowing you to maintain full speed in all conditions
- renders internal misting and external frost invisible - fantastic on those cold winter mornings
when a fast getaway is all important
- remains crystal clear however cracked and scratched, even when covered with old parking tickets,
empty licence holders and "Documents Enclosed" wallets
With new CageGlass™ goggles you will be able to ride faster in all conditions*, shaving valuable
seconds off your journeys!
* May cause death or serious injury to bystanders
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Watch out for these other fabulous products coming soon:
Stunlop® Maxigrip™ tyres - no loss of grip in wet or icy conditions[1]! Corner without the need to
slow down! Brake at the last minute with no fear of skidding!
[censored]-axe® Megaweb® - a two inch band of this woven miracle fibre over your right shoulder renders
you impervious to harm, allowing you to go even faster without endangering anyone[2]!
New Driverbeer™ contains top-secret Cagerhol® instead of alcohol! Patented Cagerhol®, developed by
chemists over a period of several decades, enhances your driving ability with every milligram so you
can drive safely after three or even four pints of full strength Driverbeer[3]!
[1] may require Classphalt Super Rainproof All-Weather road surfaces, from as little as
£1,320,405.00 per square foot - insist on the best, you've paid for it!
[2] except other people
[3] Warning: police breath testing equipment cannot yet detect the difference between Cagerhol® and
regular alcohol, so if challenged you are advised to decline to give a sample.
Guy
===
** WARNING ** This posting may contain traces of irony. chapmancentral.comchapmancentral.comOpen ↗ Advance
notice: ADSL service in process of transfer to a new ISP. Obviously there will be a week of downtime
between the engineer removing the BT service and the same engineer connecting the same equipment on
the same line in the same exchange and billing it to the new ISP.