Oh, if you respond to the post be a do-be not a noob-be and trim the
thing. No need to repost much beyond the first paragraph. Thanks.
http://home.comcast.net/~agross/asdlc/jokes.htm
I was browsing through the FAQ again. There is so much stuff and so
many people in there that have been forgotten. Wonder where some of
the old hands are these days. I know a couple who have passed from
the mortal coil. But where are the rest of them. I wonder.
Hmm, maybe I have a new summer project. Get out the tapes for Latin
Made Easy and stimulate some brain cells. Then go poke newbies with a
sharp stick. 🙂
Top Ten Posts That Will Provoke a Negative Response in ASDLC
by Barbara Ashley
[DISCLAIMER: This is intended as humor. If you don't
see it that way, it's really not my problem. ;-) :-p
Number 10:
"I only lost 10 lbs in the first two weeks, and nothing for the past
two hours. I only have 20 to lose. This diet doesn't work for me."
<Slap>
Number 9:
"I am trying to stick to this diet but every day I get these cravings
so I eat box of powdered sugar. It makes the cravings go away for
about 3 hours, but I don't seem to be loosing [sic]"
<Slap>
Number 8:
"I really don't understand low-carb diets - can someone explain it to
me? Please email as I don't read this group regularly because I am so
busy and my time is more important than yours - and please hurry. I
want to start tomorrow."
<Slap and a kick in the butt.>
Number 7:
"I started LC 3 weeks ago. I feel great, but have noticed some
interesting side effects - Mr. Happy shriveled up and fell off. Anyone
else notice this?"
<Slap and a kick in the butt.>
Number 6:
"I have no kidneys. Will an all protein diet work for me?"
<Slap, kick in the butt, and a poke in the eye>
Number 5:
"I have no brain. Will an all protein diet work for me?"
<Slap, kick in the butt, and a poke in the eye>
Number 4:
"Hi. I'm new here. I have heard that low-carb diets cause sucking gun
shot wounds to the chest. Can you please prove that it doesn't?"
(crossposted to talk.guns)
<Slap, kick in the butt, and a poke in the eye>
Number 3:
"I am thinking about going off low-carb and eating boxes of jello all
day, along with frozen pancakes covered in brown sugar. Do you think
this is a good idea? Please respond only if you think this is a good
idea."
<Slap, kick in the butt, a poke in the eye, and an atomic wedgie>
Number 2:
"ive been on this diet for 6 weeks and consider myself an expert
however i have one question..... can you tell me how many carbs are in
lard" (in html and with huge binary attached as part of sig)
<Slap, kick in the butt, a poke in the eye, and an atomic wedgie>
And finally, the Number One Post That Will Provoke a Negative Response
in ASDLC:
"I just ate a Cinnabon, accidentally. Is this bad? Am I going to gain
back all the weight I lost?"
<Slap, kick in the butt, a poke in the eye, and an atomic wedgie, and
a stick up the.... well, never mind>
The newbie goes back to asdl-c.
Newbie: How long is induction?
Debra: (pause) I've told you once. [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: No you haven't!
Debra: Yes I have. [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: When?
Debra: Just now. [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: No you didn't!
Debra: Yes I did! [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: You didn't!
Debra: I did! [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: You didn't!
Debra: I'm telling you, I did! [with 200 line attachment]
Newbie: You didn't!
Lee Rodgers: &!#%!@^%#@ newbie! "Mundus vult decipi"
Aaron: It's in the FAQ, jack.
Rosie Read & Post breaks in [imagine a feminine Stuart Smalley]:
Induction is only the first two weeks of the Atkins program. Now look
in the mirror and say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone
it, people LIKE me."
Newbie: Thanks, Rosie.
Lee Rodgers
Lowcarb Retreat http://www.lowcarb.org
CHAT http://www.lowcarb.org/parachat.html
Low-Carb Connoisseur http://www.low-carb.com