I'm having a pity party and you're invited



P

Prairie Roots

Guest
Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of boxes of
meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In three days.

I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was the
worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the remaining
skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday and today,
I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy activity (snow
shoveling and blowing).

Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part of
me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do this
anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."

So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my area
is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In other
words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.

Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all
the feelings.

I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
impetus to search for something else anyway.

I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.

Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.

Prairie Roots
 
Starting at the end:

>cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.

There's your reason. So work on your attitude shown below.

>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."

Ohh, the Switch is hard. I can only hope mine stays engaged. But back to basics - why did you want
to lose weight? Are those reasons still important? Grandkids you want to live to see married.
Crawling on the floor or chasing them?

On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 21:33:12 -0600, Prairie Roots <[email protected]> wrote:

>Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>three days.
>
>I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was the
>worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the remaining
>skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday and today,
>I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy activity (snow
>shoveling and blowing).
>
>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."

>So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.

Grieving is understandable (I've been in and out of moods a lot and dad's birthday is next month and
my sister and I are discussing the footstone and unveiling date) but would dad be happy to see you
put on weight due to it? Probably not. Boy, a lot is going on. But go out and chop some snow or wood
(G) and don't chomp food. But you did pick pretty good items since their point values were not
totally terrible. And you know one bad 40pt day is not the end of the world and neither would be a
few of them.

>Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>feelings.

>I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
>impetus to search for something else anyway.

Sounds like you already have plans that are positive.

>I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
>want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
>ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
>Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.

Best.
 
Wow, do I hear you on this. I go through the same things now and then with the emotional
rollercoaster. Haven't gotten into the cookies and skinny cows, but I have wound up at McDonald's.
Given the choices, I'd say that yours sounds better.

What I struggle with now and then is the little demon that contributed to the weight gain in the
first place. Yes, I gain weight easily. I understand that. But there's something else in there, deep
down, that's happy when I'm overweight. Maybe it's that less is expected socially and sometimes at
the workplace too. Maybe it's not having the pressure of having to deal with unwanted attention.
Maybe it's that I could be more or less "left alone". There's no doubt about it that when you lose
weight, you make yourself more... available. Perhaps even more vulnerable. When you are overweight,
or when you gain weight, there's the odd person that will mention it to you but it's easy enough to
chalk that up to inconsiderate or rude people. When you lose weight, you leave yourself open to lots
of people mentioning it to you. Which means that lots of people are noticing you, which means some
level of external pressure. That can be a lot to deal with. Being overweight is safer, it's like a
security buffer. Plus as an overweight woman you generally don't have to deal with men being pigs.
No offense to the men here, but there are some real jerks out there. When I was younger and thinner
I had to put up with having my butt grabbed and worse, just because I was pretty. Of course now that
I'm losing weight I'm starting to get some of that attention again. But now that I'm older I've also
developed a bit of an attitude that says "try and it you may not live to regret it". ;)

When you lose weight, suddenly you have friends that you didn't know you had. Almost like winning
the lottery, except most of them don't ask you for money. They do suddenly want to be around you,
because now you're looking good. Which then makes you wonder on some level - were you less of a
person when you were heavier? Why is it that now you're good enough for them to want to be around?
When you're overweight you expect to be disappointed, when you lose weight you worry about being
disappointed because then you don't have the weight to blame.

I think that overweight people tend to internalize a lot of things. For me, that's one of the
factors that has contributed to gaining weight. Am I good enough? Do people like me? Am I smart
enough? Am I strong enough? Can I do this? What happens if I don't, will people think I'm a failure?
I think that one of the hardest challenges for losing weight is the ability to recognize when these
demons raise their ugly little heads and put a stop to them before they can do more damage. I've
come to realize that frankly I don't care if people like me. I don't like everyone, it's only
natural that not everyone will like me. And I'm bound to be disappointed at some point in life,
whether I'm overweight or not. The only thing I can do is the best that I can do, and if that's not
good enough for someone else well then tough. Fear and apprehension are tough to beat, and I don't
always succeed. But I know that if I can recognize the games they play then I have a better chance
of getting the upper hand.

Oh geez, I'm reminded of the Saturday Night Live stuff with what's-his-name... "Because I'm good
enough, and smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me". Well I am good enough, and smart
enough, and *I* like me. Who cares about everyone else.

Oh wait, that wasn't what you were talking about?

Nevermind then :)

Amberle3

Prairie Roots wrote:

> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots

--
Amberle3
249/221/215-minigoal/150?
Renewed my commitment to me 3/30/03

- Happy Healthy Holidays Exercise Challenge:
http://www.angelfire.com/me4/travelgirl/hhh.htm
- New Year, New You Weight Loss Challenge:
http://www.angelfire.com/me4/travelgirl/nyny.htm
- Take Heart, Take Part Exercise Challenge:
http://www.angelfire.com/me4/travelgirl/thtp.htm
 
Don't feel too bad. I did worse yesterday. I was making bars for Christmas gifts and I ate 2/8 of
them! 34.5 points worth! I was sooo bad!

"Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots
>
>
>
 
PR! I so relate. My DD, and her DH are in a gigantic terrible horrible mess right now. And of course
DGD that I babysit is in the big middle and as a two year old is throwing screaming fits to express
how she feels.

First. The good. I took DGD to the zoo yesterday, just she and I. I have not had an opportunity to
go somewhere with just her and myself in ages and ages. Mom is usually there with us, and Mom moves
very slowly and has to have me right there in case she "wobbles". Yesterday was the first day I have
done the zoo at a normal weight. I was amazed to find we had gone all the way around (part of it
running and laughing) and I was not even the least bit tired. I used to feel it, in my feet and
legs, and be a little sweaty and warm after going all the way around the thing. I felt as if I had
done Nothing. No pains anywhere. And darn it, it is so fun to be in a normal size, and have people
telling me all the time "You Don't need to lose any more, Stop" Fun. Big Fun. And an old man friend
of a friend told her when they had seen me the other day "WOW, you know, she is really beautiful!"
He is blind, but I was very pleased.

It won't make your pain less, or the change different if you eat. It will make you sad about THAT
also, and make your burden heavy on your body, AND heavy on your heart. I had to seek out some help
for myself during this time. There are free groups at church, some in the health section of the
newspaper, and some of my friends who have had problems such as I am having now knew stuff. I
recommend letting the food thoughts turn into a real detailed journal (that helps with stress too)
and seeing if you can find someone to talk out the other stuff with. :):) And I care. You are very
special here. Don't give up on one of the things that will make you feel better.

la "Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots
>
>
>
 
Prairie Roots wrote:
>
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.

Akk! 'Scuse me while me teeth emigrate! Maybe someone swapped my tastebuds for a new set, but I
couldn't stand all that sweetness now!
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).

Not eating after a binge I can understand. I'm still recovering from lunch out on Tuesday and a
higher than average weekend.
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."

You need to change the fuze! ;)
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.

Well, THAT explains it! With all those other tensions, I can understand how you switch off on the
weight stuff! My dad's birthday was a difficult day for a few years, but in true family style, we
recycled it and my sister now has it as her wedding anniversary! Plan a happy event for it next
year: family party or something. Something he would have enjoyed, and remember the good times. Keep
busy so there is no room for depression.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.

I could insomniac for Britain if it was an Olympic sport! The worries do intrude when you aren't
busy enough to keep them at bay. Don't lie there worrying about not sleeping - do something. I read,
sew, write cards and letters...
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.

You keep planing and thinking ahead: yes, you WILL be fine, and we are here to hold out a hand when
the marsh rises over the tops of your wellies...
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.

THAT'S your focus: keeping the weight off. Don't worry too much about not losing any over Christmas
and the new year: just aim to maintain.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.

Thass hokay! :) Have a (((HUG))) to keep you going! OOh look! I can get my arms ALL THE
WAY ROUND! ;)

--

Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!
 
Prairie Roots--I've been there!! I've had those days where I feel like "why am I doing this--what's
the point" or "I'm getting no where fast, I might as well give up". Find ONE big reason that you are
trying to lose weight, ie: to be around for your kids and grandkids for a long time--and focus on
that. Maybe write it down and post it where you can see it. Then remember--even people who are
"skinny" have bad days and weeks, they do their "eating" and move on--you'll be able to move on when
you're ready!!!

--
Janice
263/253.75/150 (maybe 130)

"Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots
>
>
>
 
On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 21:33:12 -0600, Prairie Roots <[email protected]>
wrote:

>Monday was the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished
>off the remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day.

That's a good time to remind yourself that you stayed on-program. The WW program with flex points
accommodates a 40-point day without any problem.

Did you cheat? No: you counted your points, and you didn't go over (that's what flex points are
there for).

If you choose to spend your points that way, you can. If you don't so much choose to spend your
points that way, but find yourself spending them that way, you can. I keep surprising myself with
how well this program accommodates real people who aren't perfect and who don't *always* make the
best choices.

You can have a day like that once in a while and still lose. Skinny people have days where they eat
things that are bad for them. This doesn't turn into getting fat / staying fat / being fat until it
turns into regular, daily behavior.

Don't beat yourself up. You've got enough rough stuff going on in your life right now, and the last
thing you need is more punishment, delivered by your own hand.

>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."

That's a rough thing to get through. If it's how you feel all the time, then for now you may just
need to be fat, and maybe you try not to lose ground for now, and save your real effort for when
you're really ready.

It sounds like this is a temporary state, though, and that, underneath it all, you're still
committed to losing weight. You talk about "muddling along with weight loss." That's a perfectly
reasonable way to achieve it. :) You say you really, really don't want to go back to weighing 232
lbs. That's the part of you that isn't ready to give up. Hang onto that, the rest will come and go
(and will come back again and will go away again). You can have a bad week or two, or more than
that, and still not throw in the towel.

>Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>feelings.

Oh, insomnia. That's a real pain in the butt. It makes it harder to cope with everything. And
there's the obvious: if you get by on two hours of sleep, that leaves another six hours or so that
you are normally asleep and wouldn't be eating, but you have that time to fill. Again, though,
that's a temporary situation (if it's not, see a doctor).

All of this is so easy to say, not so easy to do, but you sound strong and you can do it. Hang
in there...

Stan
 
Thanks for the invitation, you have a bunch of stuff going on there and I
think being overwhelmed is a really hard thing to deal with. Just do your
best and it will get better, good luck, Lee
Prairie Roots <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots
>
>
>
 
Linda, my heart goes out to you (((huge huggers))).

This is a difficult time of year for many of us, but, believe me, it will pass and it will
get better.

I understand your worries about your job, but there may be something much better around the corner,
just waiting for you--you're smart, articulate, and you have a lot to offer, and you're a darn nice
person to be around;-)

Right now, concentrate on maintaining until after Christmas; enjoy your daughters and your
wonderful, adorable, too-sweet-for-words DGD.

I'm not here much lately as work is moving offices, and I get to coordinate, so I've been really
tired in the evenings and weekends, but I have been maintaining, which I think is pretty good
when I've also had to organize breakfasts and snacks to keep 60 staff from stressing too much
over the move.

We're all here for you, especially me, you've helped me a lot during our time on the NG, and I
always look forward to reading your posts.

Hang in there (picture the poster my DH once gave me with a tiny kitten hanging onto a tree branch
for dear life), don't give up, and look forward to playing in all that snow with your bright,
beautiful, DGD whom I'm sure will be a lot like you one day.

Tons of good thoughts and deep affection coming your way.....

Linda

(Prairie=A0Roots) Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a
couple of boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them.
All. In three days. I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before,
the points damage wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two
days. Monday was the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then
finished off the remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the
house. Now yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also
gotten in some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing). Behind everything, I'm having a hard
time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part of me wonders what the point of it all
is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do this anymore, like I don't want to do this
anymore. There's a short in my "switch." So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are
coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel
when they leave. Monday was my dad's birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his
death. And underneath it all, I'm very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A
proposal for restructuring my area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job
will surely be changing. In other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
feelings. I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down
to Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
impetus to search for something else anyway. I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my
best to get myself back on program. I might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and
skinny cows, and forget that there are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to
weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. Prairie Roots
 
I can so relate! This is a difficult time for a lot of people dealing with missing loved ones. Take
one day at a time and you'll get through it in no time.

As for your job, BTDT. In December 2001, I was given 60 days to find another job within the company
or be off payroll on January 31 (Great Christmas present that year). I chose to leave and boy am I
ever glad that I did. Too much downsizing has left the remaining staff so over worked and stress
that most of my former co-workers can't wait for the next round of downsizing in hopes that they too
get laid off. I took close to a year off, went to school and am now happily working a lot less hours
with a lot less stress than before. I'm sure it will work out for you too.

"Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
> three days.
>
> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
> and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
> activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
> feelings.
>
> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
> impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
> want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
> ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
> Prairie Roots
>
>
>
 
Thanks for the words of encouragment.

What scared me was the out-of-control eating. No amount of self-talk was helping, no amount of
reasoning. And I just couldn't figure out what had happened that I suddenly didn't care. When I
broke down and cried was when I finally realized that something deeper was going on. Yesterday I
left work early, came home and had a good cry, and then posted here. I felt slightly better today.
At least I ate all my points over the course of 3 meals and didn't once let myself get overly
hungry. The switch has stopped flickering.

Prairie Roots

On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 22:03:38 -0800, Fred <[email protected]> wrote:

>Starting at the end:
>
>>cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>
>There's your reason. So work on your attitude shown below.
>
>>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
>Ohh, the Switch is hard. I can only hope mine stays engaged. But back to basics - why did you want
>to lose weight? Are those reasons still important? Grandkids you want to live to see married.
>Crawling on the floor or chasing them?
>
>
>On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 21:33:12 -0600, Prairie Roots <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>>Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>>boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>>three days.
>>
>>I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>>wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>>the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>>remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now yesterday
>>and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in some heavy
>>activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>>
>>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
>>So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>>wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>>birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>>very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>>area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>>other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
>Grieving is understandable (I've been in and out of moods a lot and dad's birthday is next month
>and my sister and I are discussing the footstone and unveiling date) but would dad be happy to see
>you put on weight due to it? Probably not. Boy, a lot is going on. But go out and chop some snow or
>wood (G) and don't chomp food. But you did pick pretty good items since their point values were not
>totally terrible. And you know one bad 40pt day is not the end of the world and neither would be a
>few of them.
>
>>Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>>feelings.
>
>>I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>>Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>>I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as the
>>impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
>Sounds like you already have plans that are positive.
>
>>I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might
>>want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other
>>ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't.
>>
>>Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
>Best.
 
Thanks Amberle. You detailed a whole 'nother set of issues that thankfully aren't part of my current
crisis. I hear ya, though, and appreciate very much your support and concern.

Did you know that Al Franken, who created the Stuart Smalley character, is from my fair state, also
known as the Land of 10000 Treatment Centers? I just found a Web site that lists the plotlines for
all the Stuart Smalley SNL sketches. From the 1st sketch: Stuart panics, after having blown a
previous show: "That's okay...because it's my panic, and I own it." Change the words a bit and
that's me after my pity party. (G)

The Web site URL: http://home.hawaii.rr.com/snlcn/franken/stuartepisodes.html

Prairie Roots

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 06:42:51 GMT, Amberle3 <[email protected]> wrote:

>Wow, do I hear you on this. I go through the same things now and then with the emotional
>rollercoaster. Haven't gotten into the cookies and skinny cows, but I have wound up at McDonald's.
>Given the choices, I'd say that yours sounds better.
>
>What I struggle with now and then is the little demon that contributed to the weight gain in the
>first place. Yes, I gain weight easily. I understand that. But there's something else in there,
>deep down, that's happy when I'm overweight. Maybe it's that less is expected socially and
>sometimes at the workplace too. Maybe it's not having the pressure of having to deal with unwanted
>attention. Maybe it's that I could be more or less "left alone". There's no doubt about it that
>when you lose weight, you make yourself more... available. Perhaps even more vulnerable. When you
>are overweight, or when you gain weight, there's the odd person that will mention it to you but
>it's easy enough to chalk that up to inconsiderate or rude people. When you lose weight, you leave
>yourself open to lots of people mentioning it to you. Which means that lots of people are noticing
>you, which means some level of external pressure. That can be a lot to deal with. Being overweight
>is safer, it's like a security buffer. Plus as an overweight woman you generally don't have to deal
>with men being pigs. No offense to the men here, but there are some real jerks out there. When I
>was younger and thinner I had to put up with having my butt grabbed and worse, just because I was
>pretty. Of course now that I'm losing weight I'm starting to get some of that attention again. But
>now that I'm older I've also developed a bit of an attitude that says "try and it you may not live
>to regret it". ;)
>
>When you lose weight, suddenly you have friends that you didn't know you had. Almost like winning
>the lottery, except most of them don't ask you for money. They do suddenly want to be around you,
>because now you're looking good. Which then makes you wonder on some level - were you less of a
>person when you were heavier? Why is it that now you're good enough for them to want to be around?
>When you're overweight you expect to be disappointed, when you lose weight you worry about being
>disappointed because then you don't have the weight to blame.
>
>I think that overweight people tend to internalize a lot of things. For me, that's one of the
>factors that has contributed to gaining weight. Am I good enough? Do people like me? Am I smart
>enough? Am I strong enough? Can I do this? What happens if I don't, will people think I'm a
>failure? I think that one of the hardest challenges for losing weight is the ability to recognize
>when these demons raise their ugly little heads and put a stop to them before they can do more
>damage. I've come to realize that frankly I don't care if people like me. I don't like everyone,
>it's only natural that not everyone will like me. And I'm bound to be disappointed at some point in
>life, whether I'm overweight or not. The only thing I can do is the best that I can do, and if
>that's not good enough for someone else well then tough. Fear and apprehension are tough to beat,
>and I don't always succeed. But I know that if I can recognize the games they play then I have a
>better chance of getting the upper hand.
>
>Oh geez, I'm reminded of the Saturday Night Live stuff with what's-his-name... "Because I'm good
>enough, and smart enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me". Well I am good enough, and smart
>enough, and *I* like me. Who cares about everyone else.
>
>Oh wait, that wasn't what you were talking about?
>
>Nevermind then :)
>
>Amberle3
>
>Prairie Roots wrote:
>
>> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>> three days.
>>
>> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now
>> yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in
>> some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>>
>> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>>
>> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>>
>> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>> feelings.
>>
>> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as
>> the impetus to search for something else anyway.
>>
>> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I
>> might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there
>> are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really,
>> really don't.
>>
>> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>>
>> Prairie Roots
 
It's always good to know I'm not alone.

Prairie Roots

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 07:16:59 -0500, "LIMEYNO1" <[email protected]> wrote:

>Don't feel too bad. I did worse yesterday. I was making bars for Christmas gifts and I ate 2/8 of
>them! 34.5 points worth! I was sooo bad!
>
>"Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>> three days.
>>
>> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now
>> yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in
>> some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>>
>> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>>
>> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>>
>> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>> feelings.
>>
>> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as
>> the impetus to search for something else anyway.
>>
>> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I
>> might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there
>> are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really,
>> really don't.
>>
>> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>>
>> Prairie Roots
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
 
On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 13:03:42 GMT, "Lesanne" <[email protected]>
wrote:

>PR! I so relate. My DD, and her DH are in a gigantic terrible horrible mess right now. And of
>course DGD that I babysit is in the big middle and as a two year old is throwing screaming fits to
>express how she feels.

I didn't even mention that one of my daughters is in the middle of a divorce from someone I totally
don't trust. I worry very much about her safety and well-being. I don't know yet how my DGD is
doing. I'll see for myself in a couple of weeks.

>First. The good. I took DGD to the zoo yesterday, just she and I. I have not had an opportunity to
>go somewhere with just her and myself in ages and ages. Mom is usually there with us, and Mom moves
>very slowly and has to have me right there in case she "wobbles". Yesterday was the first day I
>have done the zoo at a normal weight. I was amazed to find we had gone all the way around (part of
>it running and laughing) and I was not even the least bit tired. I used to feel it, in my feet and
>legs, and be a little sweaty and warm after going all the way around the thing. I felt as if I had
>done Nothing. No pains anywhere. And darn it, it is so fun to be in a normal size, and have people
>telling me all the time "You Don't need to lose any more, Stop" Fun. Big Fun. And an old man friend
>of a friend told her when they had seen me the other day "WOW, you know, she is really beautiful!"
>He is blind, but I was very pleased.

YES. That helps. I'm liking very much wearing normal clothes. No one's yet told me to stop losing
weight, but one young man who used to report to me tells me I'm adorable and a cutie pie. I'm 50;
he's 30 and runway-model gorgeous. It sounds silly, but I want to do whatever it takes to become
even more adorable and even more of a cutie pie.

>It won't make your pain less, or the change different if you eat. It will make you sad about THAT
>also, and make your burden heavy on your body, AND heavy on your heart. I had to seek out some help
>for myself during this time. There are free groups at church, some in the health section of the
>newspaper, and some of my friends who have had problems such as I am having now knew stuff. I
>recommend letting the food thoughts turn into a real detailed journal (that helps with stress too)
>and seeing if you can find someone to talk out the other stuff with. :):)

These are some of the coping skills and tools I learned in my Overeaters Anonymous days. Funny, back
then, I got real good at recognizing and accepting my eating triggers, but I never quite figured out
the food part. For 2 years, I ate the same thing every single day. I lost weight but one day, I
couldn't bring myself to eat my tuna and cottage cheese lunch. Since I didn't know what else to eat,
that was the end of that.

With WW, I'm finally learning about food in a way that makes sense for the long haul. This
knowledge, combined with the self-knowledge gained from OA is helping me over this rough patch. I'm
really grateful for this NG. Pouring it all out instead of stuffing it makes a difference.

>And I care. You are very special here. Don't give up on one of the things that will make you
>feel better.

Thank you. I appreciate very much your concern and your support.

Prairie Roots

>"Prairie Roots" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>> three days.
>>
>> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now
>> yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in
>> some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>>
>> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>>
>> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>>
>> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>> feelings.
>>
>> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as
>> the impetus to search for something else anyway.
>>
>> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I
>> might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there
>> are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really,
>> really don't.
>>
>> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>>
>> Prairie Roots
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>

Prairie Roots
232/170.8/WW goal 145 joined WW Online 22-Feb-2003
 
On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 14:02:03 +0000, Kate Dicey
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Prairie Roots wrote:
>>
>> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>> three days.
>
>Akk! 'Scuse me while me teeth emigrate! Maybe someone swapped my tastebuds for a new set, but I
>couldn't stand all that sweetness now!

I think my tastebuds were on holiday. That's the thing about binge eating. It's not about the
quality (or lack of). It's the quantity.

>> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now
>> yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in
>> some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>
>Not eating after a binge I can understand. I'm still recovering from lunch out on Tuesday and a
>higher than average weekend.
>>
>> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
>You need to change the fuze! ;)

And thanks to all those who responded, I think I did just that.

>> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>
>Well, THAT explains it! With all those other tensions, I can understand how you switch off on the
>weight stuff! My dad's birthday was a difficult day for a few years, but in true family style, we
>recycled it and my sister now has it as her wedding anniversary! Plan a happy event for it next
>year: family party or something. Something he would have enjoyed, and remember the good times. Keep
>busy so there is no room for depression.

The weekend closest to my dad's birthday was when I'd go help my folks set up their Christmas tree.
A holdover tradition from my childhood. But my mom wasn't interested in doing that this year--
needing her own way to grieve--so this weekend was a double whammy in the loss dept. I hope to
remember next year and be better prepared.

>> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>> feelings.
>
>I could insomniac for Britain if it was an Olympic sport! The worries do intrude when you aren't
>busy enough to keep them at bay. Don't lie there worrying about not sleeping - do something. I
>read, sew, write cards and letters...

>> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as
>> the impetus to search for something else anyway.
>
>You keep planing and thinking ahead: yes, you WILL be fine, and we are here to hold out a hand when
>the marsh rises over the tops of your wellies...

I knew I could count on this group to hold me up until I could support myself again.

>> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I
>> might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there
>> are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really,
>> really don't.
>
>THAT'S your focus: keeping the weight off. Don't worry too much about not losing any over Christmas
>and the new year: just aim to maintain.
>>
>> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>
>Thass hokay! :) Have a (((HUG))) to keep you going! OOh look! I can get my arms ALL THE WAY
>ROUND! ;)

Prairie Roots
232/170.8/WW goal 145 joined WW Online 22-Feb-2003
 
Good advice, Janice. Thanks.

This time Reason was having a hard time being heard over the cacophony of whiny voices. So Reason
yelled for Help on this NG and folks like you came running.

Thanks.

Prairie Roots

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 15:25:31 GMT, "Janice Kennish" <[email protected]> wrote:

>Prairie Roots--I've been there!! I've had those days where I feel like "why am I doing this--what's
>the point" or "I'm getting no where fast, I might as well give up". Find ONE big reason that you
>are trying to lose weight, ie: to be around for your kids and grandkids for a long time--and focus
>on that. Maybe write it down and post it where you can see it. Then remember--even people who are
>"skinny" have bad days and weeks, they do their "eating" and move on--you'll be able to move on
>when you're ready!!!
 
Thanks Stan. Good reminders and good perspective. You're right of course about the flex points
and cheating.

More than this week's weight loss, the uncontrollable mindlessness of my eating was what spooked me.
I'm a binge eater from way back and it's not something I like to play with. Far easier for me not to
take the first bite than to try to stop once I've started.

Today I'm close to being back where I belong. A bit shaky perhaps but better. Thanks for your
concern and your response. It all helps.

Prairie Roots

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 09:47:01 -0600, Stan <[email protected]> wrote:

>On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 21:33:12 -0600, Prairie Roots <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>>Monday was the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished
>>off the remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day.
>
>That's a good time to remind yourself that you stayed on-program. The WW program with flex points
>accommodates a 40-point day without any problem.
>
>Did you cheat? No: you counted your points, and you didn't go over (that's what flex points are
>there for).
>
>If you choose to spend your points that way, you can. If you don't so much choose to spend your
>points that way, but find yourself spending them that way, you can. I keep surprising myself with
>how well this program accommodates real people who aren't perfect and who don't *always* make the
>best choices.
>
>You can have a day like that once in a while and still lose. Skinny people have days where they eat
>things that are bad for them. This doesn't turn into getting fat / staying fat / being fat until it
>turns into regular, daily behavior.
>
>Don't beat yourself up. You've got enough rough stuff going on in your life right now, and the last
>thing you need is more punishment, delivered by your own hand.
>
>>Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>>of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>>this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>
>That's a rough thing to get through. If it's how you feel all the time, then for now you may just
>need to be fat, and maybe you try not to lose ground for now, and save your real effort for when
>you're really ready.
>
>It sounds like this is a temporary state, though, and that, underneath it all, you're still
>committed to losing weight. You talk about "muddling along with weight loss." That's a perfectly
>reasonable way to achieve it. :) You say you really, really don't want to go back to weighing 232
>lbs. That's the part of you that isn't ready to give up. Hang onto that, the rest will come and go
>(and will come back again and will go away again). You can have a bad week or two, or more than
>that, and still not throw in the towel.
>
>>Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>>feelings.
>
>Oh, insomnia. That's a real pain in the butt. It makes it harder to cope with everything. And
>there's the obvious: if you get by on two hours of sleep, that leaves another six hours or so that
>you are normally asleep and wouldn't be eating, but you have that time to fill. Again, though,
>that's a temporary situation (if it's not, see a doctor).
>
>All of this is so easy to say, not so easy to do, but you sound strong and you can do it. Hang
>in there...
>
>Stan
 
Yes, being overwhelmed is what did me in. Coming here helped me get back up. Thanks.

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 14:51:18 -0600, "Miss Violette" <[email protected]> wrote:

>Thanks for the invitation, you have a bunch of stuff going on there and I think being overwhelmed
>is a really hard thing to deal with. Just do your best and it will get better, good luck, Lee
>Prairie Roots <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
>> Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a couple of
>> boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them. All. In
>> three days.
>>
>> I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before, the points damage
>> wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two days. Monday was
>> the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then finished off the
>> remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the house. Now
>> yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also gotten in
>> some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing).
>>
>> Behind everything, I'm having a hard time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part
>> of me wonders what the point of it all is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do
>> this anymore, like I don't want to do this anymore. There's a short in my "switch."
>>
>> So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with
>> wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel when they leave. Monday was my dad's
>> birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving his death. And underneath it all, I'm
>> very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the year. A proposal for restructuring my
>> area is in development, and even if I don't end up unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In
>> other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared, anxious, angry, tired.
>>
>> Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only intensifies all the
>> feelings.
>>
>> I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making plans now to drive down to
>> Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second. And if I do lose my job,
>> I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use the restructuring as
>> the impetus to search for something else anyway.
>>
>> I'll keep muddling along with weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I
>> might want to stuff my problems by gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there
>> are other ways to cope. But I really don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really,
>> really don't.
>>
>> Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.
>>
>> Prairie Roots
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>

Prairie Roots
232/170.8/WW goal 145 joined WW Online 22-Feb-2003
 
For now, my immediate worries about job security are resolved. Today I learned the nature and extent
of the planned restructuring and although I'll be transferred out of my current area into a newly
created department, my job responsibilities will remain intact. So I guess I can say things turned
out OK. As a few of us joked afterwards, let's see what happens 2 years from now (if we're still
here.) In the 7 years I've been on this job, a major reorg seems to happen every couple of years. I
think someone in mgmt thrives on chaos and crisis.

Thanks so much for your kind words, Linda. I hope when things settle down a bit you'll be able to
post more often. I like knowing what's going on in your world.

This Christmas will be my DGD's first experience with snow. You better believe we'll be going
sledding and doing as many outdoor activities as she can stand. I really can't wait. Every time I
call her mom, she gets on the phone and says "Hi Gam-ma. I'm 2. My name is Erin." You'd think
hearing that would lose its thrill after the first 20 times, but no I'm still just as tickled as now
as the first time I heard it.

I haven't mentioned it before but about a month ago I went out on my first date with a man since my
divorce 11 years ago. Hoo boy! One lunch together was all it took for me to know I'd rather be
single than settle.

I met him through a woman in my water aerobics class. We exchanged a couple of e-mails first, which
was pleasant enough. And then we talked on the phone a few times. A couple of red flags started
waving but not so many that I wanted to call things off. Besides, I enjoyed feeling like I was 16,
something I managed not to feel when I was actually 16. Parts of me that I'd assumed were dead are,
in fact, surprisingly alive. They just needed a bit of a nudge. (I spent my high school years in a
major depression after my mother's episode of mental illness and suicide attempt. That's when I
first turned to food as a coping tool.) Ultimately, though, all it took was meeting one time for me
to know this was not a match made in heaven.

Feeling good about myself as a result of my progress in WW thus far gave me the courage to consider
the possibility of getting involved with someone. And the confidence to know I'm better off alone
than miserable.

Now if I could just remember that the next time those dang skinny cows call me.

Hugs to you too. Linda

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 19:25:47 -0500 (EST), [email protected] (Linda J.) wrote:

> Linda, my heart goes out to you (((huge huggers))).
>
>This is a difficult time of year for many of us, but, believe me, it will pass and it will
>get better.
>
>I understand your worries about your job, but there may be something much better around the corner,
>just waiting for you--you're smart, articulate, and you have a lot to offer, and you're a darn nice
>person to be around;-)
>
>Right now, concentrate on maintaining until after Christmas; enjoy your daughters and your
>wonderful, adorable, too-sweet-for-words DGD.
>
>I'm not here much lately as work is moving offices, and I get to coordinate, so I've been really
>tired in the evenings and weekends, but I have been maintaining, which I think is pretty good
>when I've also had to organize breakfasts and snacks to keep 60 staff from stressing too much
>over the move.
>
>We're all here for you, especially me, you've helped me a lot during our time on the NG, and I
>always look forward to reading your posts.
>
>Hang in there (picture the poster my DH once gave me with a tiny kitten hanging onto a tree branch
>for dear life), don't give up, and look forward to playing in all that snow with your bright,
>beautiful, DGD whom I'm sure will be a lot like you one day.
>
>Tons of good thoughts and deep affection coming your way.....
>
>Linda
>
>(Prairie Roots) Saturday and Sunday I did what I hate to do. I gave into my cravings and bought a
>couple of boxes of meringue cookies and a couple of packages of skinny cows. And then I ate them.
>All. In three days. I eventually got around to counting my points. As has been pointed out before,
>the points damage wasn't horrible. Especially since I didn't eat much of anything else those two
>days. Monday was the worst when I ate my daily points on on properly nutritious food and then
>finished off the remaining skinny cows. It was a 40-pt day. At least the "bad" food is out the
>house. Now yesterday and today, I can't make myself eat all my points, and both days I've also
>gotten in some heavy activity (snow shoveling and blowing). Behind everything, I'm having a hard
>time caring about losing weight and staying on program. Part of me wonders what the point of it all
>is, and wants to stop. Today I feel like I just can't do this anymore, like I don't want to do this
>anymore. There's a short in my "switch." So what's going on? Well, my kids and granddaughter are
>coming for Christmas, and I'm aching with wanting them here. And then I remember how bad I'll feel
>when they leave. Monday was my dad's birthday, except he's not around to celebrate. I'm grieving
>his death. And underneath it all, I'm very worried that I'll be laid off after the first of the
>year. A proposal for restructuring my area is in development, and even if I don't end up
>unemployed, my job will surely be changing. In other words, I'm excited, happy, sad, scared,
>anxious, angry, tired. Because with all this going on, I'm having a hard time sleeping, which only
>intensifies all the feelings. I tell myself I'll be fine, and of course, that's true. I'm making
>plans now to drive down to Atlanta in February or March when I can't stand winter one more second.
>And if I do lose my job, I'll be able to visit even longer. If I don't lose my job, maybe I'll use
>the restructuring as the impetus to search for something else anyway. I'll keep muddling along with
>weight loss. And do my best to get myself back on program. I might want to stuff my problems by
>gorging on meringues and skinny cows, and forget that there are other ways to cope. But I really
>don't want to go back to weighing 232 lbs. I really, really don't. Thanks for being here. Thanks
>for listening. Prairie Roots

Prairie Roots
232/170.8/WW goal 145 joined WW Online 22-Feb-2003
 
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