HIJACK A PLANE - WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE
Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'. Today's
programme features another chance to take part in our exciting
competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already
given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream
homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget,
we're now the fastest growing game on the planet. Anyone can play,
provided they don't already hold a valid British passport, and you
only need one word of English: 'ASYLUM'!.
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting
at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging
and accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to
everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner
airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar. No application ever refused
reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your
papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'.
Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were
flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted
where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them
to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton
Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already
staying in hotels all over Britain. Our most popular destinations also
include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington
Services area In Historic Bedfordshire. If you still don't understand
the rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the
audience, just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social
workers and counsellors are waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny, so play today; it could change your life
forever. Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters,
pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan
drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers,
Somali guerrillas...COME ON DOWN! Get along to the airport, get along
to the lorry park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in
Germany or France. Go straight to Britain. And you are guaranteed to
be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on
earth. Roll up, roll up my friends for the game that never ends.
Everyone's a winner, when they play 'ASYLUM'.