Forget about all of the positive EPO tests, steroid creams and the
unknown agents that will be identified in the next 10 years. Forget
about all that and researchers at Ball State have finally identified
Armstrong's cycling advantage.
According to the report:
Over his 7 Tour wins Lance's winning margin is calculated to be .03%
over the second place finshers + or - one standard deviation.
The frictional losses attributed to having two testicles in the nutsack
(nuts * n)/rpm)*overall time)) = from .05% to .09% depending on the
size of the nuts and whether or not the teabag has been shaved smooth.
According to Dr. [censored] Islong of the BS physiology department, "Just
having a smooth scrotum can cut more that 2 seconds off a prologue time
trial! Many of us here at Ball State are tingling with excitement at
this research."
"Motor losses and friction are multiplied when the two testicles combat
each other with every pedal stroke, while Lance's single ball is left
peacefully in the middle and over the hundreds of thousands of pedal
strokes now acts as a single 'ball bearing' that alternately assists
the inner thigh of the opposing leg twice in each revolution."
"We are now looking for other test subjects to see if having no balls
at all leads to further gains however none of the ball-less cowards
from the Bush administration has had the time to make it to Indiana.
It's not like we're Ohio or Florida for fu*ks-sake! " concluded Dr.
Islong