Road Cycling · Public discussion

A Cascade 1200 ride report

Started by Callistus Valerius · · Last activity · 3 posts · 396 views

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Road Cycling
Published
9 February 2006
Last activity
9 February 2006
Original author
Callistus Valerius
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  1. Are you man enough, or are you just another rbr dumbass? A sample from
    a Cascade 1200 ride report.
    --------------
    While pretty, Loup Loup was a vicious climb. Ted was feeling pretty good at
    this point but I was starting what was to become several hours of fairly
    entertaining but ride-crippling hallucinations. First, the entire road
    surface appeared to be under laid with leaves and other patterns like they
    were suspended in Lucite. At other times the road surface was decorated with
    patterns like a full body tattoo.

    The lines on the road assumed different appearances as well. At times both
    the white lines and the yellow would disappear or more accurately appear
    clear and the road would seem to be a guardrail-less bridge in the sky. I
    don’t particularly care for heights and found this to be not very conducive
    to safe riding. At other times the lines turned into 2 foot tall curbs or
    low walls. The most disturbing vision involved the center line bending over
    to connect to the white side line forcing me to ride into a slowly unfolding
    corner of highway.

    Another fairly consistent and persistent vision involved wet or tar patches
    on the road turning into a half animal that would rise from the road upon
    our approach and then shrink back down into the two dimensional shape when
    we passed.

    The edges of the road were full of fairly active visions as well. Landscape
    moving in the breeze turned into cubist jack-in-the-boxes grimacing towards
    the roads. The horizon and sky were also a little bright which brought
    about an effect that Ted shared which was feeling like we were riding under
    a bridge even in the open road!

    The picture show continued with the addition of boxy furniture forms
    appearing on the road so that I was forced to ride through them. There were
    also various sheets and other vapors that would drift across the road and
    obscure Ted’s taillights from view. One particularly fine example of this
    was a mattress form that was thick enough that my vision changed for the
    period that I was “inside” this shape. After this went on for several hours,
    I decided to try another roadside nap in an effort to shake these visions.

    This was a fairly pitiful point for us. It was raining and the shoulder was
    just a mud field but finally we found a place to lean against the guardrail
    under our space blankets and snooze for 30 minutes or so.
    ---------------
    I already know the answer, you're soft, not tough enough. Laance is
    shooting for Robic in RAAM. I have a feeling he's got the right stuff,
    unlike most of these pampered over-rated pros. Tyler, forget about Europe,
    .......RAAM.

  2. Callistus Valerius said:

    Are you man enough, or are you just another rbr dumbass? A sample from
    a Cascade 1200 ride report.

    I'm not impressed, seeing as I saw huge mountains outside of Kansas
    City, Mo when I drove non-stop from Washington DC to Lacrosse, KS
    primarily on caffeine. I would hesitate about bragging about being a
    moving hazard of the first order (nice thought: there are drivers in
    semis like this on a regular basis) on the Interstates: I can't see
    doing it on a bike makes it any more worthy of bragging.

    However, reducing this to its substance - induced insanity - could and
    should widen the scope of competition. I suggest including Postal
    workers and firearms on a closed course. Should double the
    sponsorship, especially if you get the right cable channel.

    Curtis L. Russell
    Odenton, MD (USA)
    Just someone on two wheels...

  3. Callistus Valerius said:

    --------------
    While pretty, Loup Loup was a vicious climb. Ted was feeling pretty good at
    this point but I was starting what was to become several hours of fairly
    entertaining but ride-crippling hallucinations. First, the entire road
    surface appeared to be under laid with leaves and other patterns like they
    were suspended in Lucite. At other times the road surface was decorated with
    patterns like a full body tattoo.

    The lines on the road assumed different appearances as well. At times both
    the white lines and the yellow would disappear or more accurately appear
    clear and the road would seem to be a guardrail-less bridge in the sky. I
    don’t particularly care for heights and found this to be not very conducive
    to safe riding. At other times the lines turned into 2 foot tall curbs or
    low walls. The most disturbing vision involved the center line bending over
    to connect to the white side line forcing me to ride into a slowly unfolding
    corner of highway.

    Another fairly consistent and persistent vision involved wet or tar patches
    on the road turning into a half animal that would rise from the road upon
    our approach and then shrink back down into the two dimensional shape when
    we passed.

    The edges of the road were full of fairly active visions as well. Landscape
    moving in the breeze turned into cubist jack-in-the-boxes grimacing towards
    the roads. The horizon and sky were also a little bright which brought
    about an effect that Ted shared which was feeling like we were riding under
    a bridge even in the open road!

    The picture show continued with the addition of boxy furniture forms
    appearing on the road so that I was forced to ride through them. There were
    also various sheets and other vapors that would drift across the road and
    obscure Ted’s taillights from view. One particularly fine example of this
    was a mattress form that was thick enough that my vision changed for the
    period that I was “inside” this shape. After this went on for several hours,
    I decided to try another roadside nap in an effort to shake these visions.

    This was a fairly pitiful point for us. It was raining and the shoulder was
    just a mud field but finally we found a place to lean against the guardrail
    under our space blankets and snooze for 30 minutes or so.
    ---------------


    Can I have a swig from his water bottle?

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