(OT) Canadian Convention Tips



S

S o r n i

Guest
Still have a year to decide :)

**********

Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
were posted on an International Tourism Website.

Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them
die.

Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
racing
is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated
while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
 
In news:[email protected],
S o r n i <[email protected]> typed:
> Still have a year to decide :)
>
> **********
>
> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are
> some questions people the world over are asking. These questions
> about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
>
<snip funny stuff>

Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)

Mike
 
Sorni says:

<snip good stuff>

> Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Classic!

Steve
 
* Michael Dart <[email protected]>:
> In news:[email protected],
> S o r n i <[email protected]> typed:
>> Still have a year to decide :)
>>
>> **********
>>
>> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are
>> some questions people the world over are asking. These questions
>> about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
>>
> <snip funny stuff>
>
> Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)
>
> Mike
>
>

Heh our beer sucks? Maybe if you compare it to some of the classic
European brands. But that swill they sell as beer to our south?

Jason
 
Carla says:

>> Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)
>
>Utter ******** :)

I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was THAT bad...

;-P

Steve
 
Jason wrote:
> * Michael Dart <[email protected]>:
>> In news:[email protected],
>> S o r n i <[email protected]> typed:
>>> Still have a year to decide :)
>>>
>>> **********
>>>
>>> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these
>>> are some questions people the world over are asking. These
>>> questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism
>>> Website.
>>>
>> <snip funny stuff>
>>
>> Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)
>>
>> Mike
>>
>>
>
> Heh our beer sucks? Maybe if you compare it to some of the classic
> European brands. But that swill they sell as beer to our south?
>
> Jason

Umm, the beer from Unibroue(now owned by Sleeman) compares favourably to
European brands.

Total agreement to the **** water that they sell south of the Canuck
border...
 
Iguana wrote:


> Total agreement to the **** water that they sell south of the Canuck
> border...
>

In the interest of peace and drinking good beer....

Let's all be fair now. There's good beer on both sides of the border,
just not (in general) from the big breweries.

Just like you'd post here to find a good trail where ever you're headed,
it pays to check the beer newgroups to find the good stuff.

So for Toronto, let's try:

Creemore Springs - my 'favourite' (English spelling)
Steam Whistle - light and crisp for hot days
Black Oak Pale Ale - another must have in the fridge
Muskoka Springs Pale Ale

That generally gets me through a summer, but there are LOTS more.

Now when I'm in California (Orange County) I'm a big fan of Sierra
Nevada, but I'm always looking for recommendations :)

Of course the easiest way to pare down your choices for good stuff is to
eliminate anything with the word 'lite' in the name.

Rob S.
 
" S o r n i" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Still have a year to decide :)
>
> **********
>
> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
> questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
> were posted on an International Tourism Website.
>
> Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
> (UK)
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
> them
> die.
>
> Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
>
> Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
> A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
>
> Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
> contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
> A: Let's not touch this one.
>
> Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a
list
> of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na-da
> is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
> racing
> is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
>
> Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
..
> . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in
> Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
>
> Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
> you
> tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
> population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
>
> Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
> round? (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is
> illegal.
>
> Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget
it's
> name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
> A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains
> of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
> yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
>
> Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> dated
> while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
>
> Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
>

All ROTFLMAO except the vegan part. That is not entirely true.
All non-vegatarian visitors should take comfort that we have caribou meat
and whale blubber available, should they so desire. Thank goodness there's
no mad whale disease here. Yet.


Sniffinvinyl
----------------
Remain sane, cycle your brains out . . .
 
S o r n i wrote:
> Still have a year to decide :)
>
> **********
>
> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
> questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
> were posted on an International Tourism Website.
>
> Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
> (UK)
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
> them
> die.
>
> Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
>
> Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
> A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
>
> Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
> contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
> A: Let's not touch this one.
>
> Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
> of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
> is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
> racing
> is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
>
> Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
> . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
>
> Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
> you
> tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
> population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
>
> Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
> round? (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
> illegal.
>
> Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's
> name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
> A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
> of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
> yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
>
> Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> dated
> while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
>
> Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
>
>
Don't forget to bring a pair of snowshoes for the beach. The snow is
soft this time of year up here.lol
 
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